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As the calendar lunges forth into 2012 to be welcomed with open arms and hearts, it is well worth taking a look back at the year God graciously provided Kingdom Racing in 2011.

Southwest Airlines preaches to its employees that it’s not an airline company. It is a customer service company that just happens to fly airplanes. Keeping customers happy is their core business. Quite similarly, many people are pleasantly surprised to learn that Kingdom Racing is not just a racing team, but rather a Christian ministry that races cars. That aspect is pertinent. Among everything He charges us with, racing comes second. The Kingdom of Christ always comes first and foremost.

Without question, the 2011 INDYCAR season beaconed to be one of great promise for Kingdom Racing. By season’s end, it had surpassed even our most extravagant spiritual imaginations.

On the surface, it could be said that everything began in May at Indianapolis. The reality, however, was that so much planning, coordination, and re-organization had gone into the off-season just to make the Indianapolis 500 happen for Kingdom Racing and Davey Hamilton.

God tested us early and often throughout the entire year. 2011 began with the expectation that Davey Hamilton would team with fellow INDYCAR veteran Tony Kanaan at De Ferran Dragon Racing. That deal unraveled unexpectedly, leaving both drivers searching for rides. Davey quickly recovered by signing a deal with Dreyer and Reinbold Racing for three races, Indianapolis, Texas, and Las Vegas, while Tony landed safely at another team. Heading into Indianapolis, Davey stated that he’d been given the best prepared car he’s ever had for The Race and was looking forward to driving in his 11th “500.” He was right. We showed up and the car looked sharp, a definite attention-grabber.

The fabulous month of May began on the 13th with load-in day at the legendary Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Though things got off to a slow start in the initial practice sessions, excitement and anticipation filled the air for what the month had in store. Davey was part of a four car effort at Indy, teaming with Paul Tracy, Justin Wilson, and Ana Biatriz. On Pole Day, Davey thrilled the crowd by placing the No. 11 HP car on the outside of the 5th row in 15th position. We’d asked our fans around the world to pray for Davey’s qualification run and so many fans later contacted us to let us know they did just that. On that run, Davey somehow found speed he’d not had all month long. We’re giving credit to the prayers, though the team did a superb job as well.

May 29th brought the Centennial running of the famed Indianapolis 500. For anyone who loves The Race, it was incredibly special just to be there on that day, 100 years after the first running of such an iconic American sporting event. Following last year’s first lap heartbreak, Davey and his HP/Dreyer & Reinbold team started from 15th and held strong all day, finishing 24th. Though we didn’t win the 500, we definitely won the month of May at the Speedway for Christ.

So much more went on in the background throughout the month of May that showed everyone that Kingdom Racing was exactly where we were supposed to be. Through our infield outreach programs we touched the lives of hundreds, if not thousands of race fans with the message of Christ. The people we met and prayed with and the feedback received from them was simply phenomenal. To witness some of the situations which brought fans together with the Kingdom Racing ministry was truly awe-inspiring in that we definitely serve an incredibly amazing God!

After a short two-week break in the action, Kingdom Racing picked right back up where we left off at Texas Motor Speedway on the weekend of June 10th and 11th. We carried onward with Davey to the track where he nearly lost his life exactly ten years prior. A new race format was on order with twin 275-kilometer contests being run on the same night with an hour-long intermission between.

Again at Texas, Kingdom Racing had a booth and stage on the midway outside the track along with a show car that fans could sit in and have their pictures taken. That was very popular with fans and helped draw them into our message. We handed out hundreds of hero cards and a spectacular performance by a great Christian band kept the crowd entertained. It gave them one more reason to stop and ask “Who is Kingdom Racing?” This has become one of our favorite things to hear, because each time it is asked, we realize God has opened the door for us to share His Message of salvation. We even had a former US astronaut, Doug Clifford, alongside to share his amazing story of triumph and devotion in the face of adversity. After a fun-filled day and two relatively clean INDYCAR races, Davey brought home 27th and 25th place finishes to seal another successful weekend of sharing the News of Christ with race fans.

Later that month, Kingdom Racing signed on to partner with AFS/Sam Schmidt Motorsports and Snowball Express to bring a sensational young British driver named Martin Plowman into his debut in the INDYCAR Series. This came about through the work of our own Joe Petersen, who managed to help put all of the pieces in place for a great team of people to come together for several great causes. First of all, it allowed us to support Snowball Express, the charity for the families of fallen American soldiers since 9/11. Kingdom Racing and the team would be hosting several Snowball families at each of the races. Secondly, Martin Plowman is a talented young Christian man and he would be getting his much deserved baptism into the top echelon of motorsport. Lastly, it would give Kingdom Racing a chance to provide direct Christian outreach to those families affected by tragedy along with many other fans.

Everything kicked off in August, beginning at Mid-Ohio on the first weekend of the month and again three weeks later at Infineon Raceway in Sonoma, California, before culminating on Labor Day weekend on the streets of Baltimore. At each track, the Kingdom Racing team hosted multiple Snowball families and provided them royal treatment throughout the event. They got to dine in the exclusive INDYCAR Paddock Club, the kids got to pick out some awesome merchandise from the souvenir stands, and the families got to sit down and watch the races with Kingdom Racing and Snowball Express team members.

Perhaps the highlight of hosting the families, though, came after the race when they were taken behind the scenes to meet Martin, get his autograph, and have their pictures taken with him and “their” racecar. But the fun didn’t stop there. Nope. Martin picked up each and every child and placed them in the driver’s seat and let them feel what it was like to sit in a real racecar and have a real racing driver as a friend. The smiles on their faces told us everything we needed to know. These were all deeply wounded children who’d lost a father to the war on terror and they very rarely smiled. To see such huge smiles was a monumental emotional victory. In the three races, Martin Plowman finished 18th, 12th, and 11th respectively, but the most amazing work happened off-track, away from the spotlight. And it meant the world to those kids and their moms. It was clear that our outreach provided a significant positive impact for those children, an impact they delivered in return to all of us. There was no doubt that God was acting through us. We saw that happen a lot this year.

At last, we came to the final race weekend of the 2011 schedule, the highly-anticipated INDYCAR World Championships in Las Vegas, Nevada, scheduled for October 16th, 2011. It was to be an exciting punctuation to an amazing season.

We had huge plans for Las Vegas. We’d hoped to announce our team expansion for the 2012 season. We’d planned an appearance with Davey and a show car at a local church. We’d planned to have a Christian ministry outreach outside of Las Vegas Motor Speedway, similar to that at Texas in June. One by one, each and every one of those plans fell through, to our frustration. A couple of weeks before the race, we held a conference call to decide if we would even go. After much thought and prayer, the team made the unanimous decision to go and let God use us as He saw fit. So we followed His lead.

There we were in Las Vegas with nothing to do but watch Davey Hamilton finish off the 2011 INDYCAR season. We had no news. We had no outreach. We were just “there” for God’s use. The feeling among the team was palpable and it seemed almost like we were just ready to get it over with and start planning for 2012. To repeat, racing comes second to our work for the Kingdom of God. Our frustration welled from the fact that all there was in Vegas was racing. There was no Christian outreach and it had us a little bummed. Nevertheless, we showed up and were ready to serve God and support Davey.

Suddenly, the horror of lap 11 happened and shook the racing world to its foundation while we lost a loved one. Dan Wheldon was our friend and competitor and his death hit everyone in the paddock very hard. But it became immediately clear why the agenda “we” had planned had been cancelled out. God needed Kingdom Racing there for a different reason, and in the wake of a horrific tragedy amongst a close-knit racing family, we stepped up to provide prayer, comfort, and support in a time of great anguish and suffering among people we love. One of Dan’s closest friends, his protégé of sorts, the kid who Danny took under his wing and had influenced to come to America and race INDYCAR rather than chase Formula One, had company throughout that painful day and night. Kingdom Racing was “there” by Martin’s side to comfort, to pray, and to help try to crawl out of the agonizing fog together. The frustration we’d felt was replaced with sadness, yes, but also with an amazing sense of God’s perfect plan. He knew what was best for us and made sure that the plans we’d been making weren’t there to block His own.

We serve an amazing God. Time has passed slowly it seems since the horrible events in Vegas. But through God and our faith in Jesus Christ, we have come out of that dark cloud and stand ready for the challenges ahead. Kingdom Racing is poised and chomping at the bit to get 2012 underway. As is to be expected, we are already running into obstacles and barriers blocking the path “we” have planned. And we keep reminding ourselves that everything will happen in the time He has allotted for it to happen. All we know is that we are where we need to be. We didn’t make Kingdom Racing, God did. We didn’t seek Kingdom Racing, it sought us. Thankfully, we’ve chosen to rise up and follow His lead and we look forward to what He has planned for us next. In conclusion, we know why God sent Kingdom Racing to the INDYCAR field, to serve Him by sharing the message of His hope and love with all who seek answers. And we’re going to continue to stay the true path and finish the race.

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” - Isaiah 40:28-31

May you and yours have a festive and happy 2012.
From all of us at Kingdom Racing,
God bless and Godspeed,
Charles West

ISAIAH 6:8
“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying:
Who should I send?
Who will go for Us?
I said:
Here I am. Send me.”

Dan Wheldon was meant to die in Las Vegas. Of that, I’m sure. What God knows will happen is exactly what does, without exception. We never see God’s fibers until the fabric is already woven, and looking back, all the signs of God’s handiwork are present, not only in what took place, but also in the dumbfounding circumstances leading up to the October 16th disaster. Honestly, God prepared the INDYCAR family for this tragic moment for quite some time, each and every one of us.

(Author’s Point of Clarification: A lot of people have misinterpreted the opening paragraph to indicate that God intended for Dan Wheldon to die. This was absolutely NOT the intent, nor the case. But I firmly believe that God DID know what would happen (because of Dan’s and other people’s choices) and He made the opportunity for a lot of GOOD & AMAZING things to take place leading up to and following the tragedy, each with some purpose unbeknownst to us. God does not cause evil and misery. Rather, He establishes the foundation for great good in the face and wake of it. My apologies if this came across incorrectly. After great introspect and prayer, I have replaced the term “means to” with “knows will” above as it is more properly applicable to the piece and situation.)

A painting is a sequential collection of carefully orchestrated and deliberately placed brushstrokes, translated only by the vision dwelling within the artist’s mind. And not until the final stroke is placed can the true beauty of the painting be taken in. Some look at the world and question whether or not there is a God. Yet nobody looks at the Mona Lisa and wonders if there is a painter. They simply and openly accept it as fact. The painting didn’t just paint itself nor did the world just merely happen. We are, each soul, God’s strokes in the ongoing portrait of humanity.

When Dan died, a small portion of the mural God is painting became crystal clear. All of a sudden, the reason behind so many little things that led up to the tragedy were revealed in stunning, frightening brilliance. In hindsight, what occurred was the result of a perfect storm of overlooked risks. There were too many cars on a track that was bad fast, a gimmicky promotion designed to draw the public’s attention, and an antiquated spec chassis which made all the racecars perform more or less identically. It is never a single mistake that broods disaster. We learned this with the Apollo and Space Shuttle mishaps. With each, it was a long sequence of events that eventually led to tragic circumstances. INDYCAR in Las Vegas was no exception. It was a lengthy recipe for disaster. Of course, that is easy to see now. Beforehand, we were blinded by comfort and perceived safety.

Allow me to articulate some of the things God orchestrated leading up to one of the most horrible days in racing.

Kingdom Racing and Davey Hamilton were originally only scheduled to participate in three races in 2011, Indianapolis, Texas, and New Hampshire. The New Hampshire date was eventually scrapped and replaced with Las Vegas. This happened because God didn’t need us in New Hampshire. No, He needed us in Vegas. We now know why. It wasn’t for Davey. It wasn’t for our own enjoyment. God needed boots on the ground when what happened did.

Somewhat unexpectedly, in the layoff between Texas and Vegas, Kingdom Racing partnered with Team Plowey, AFS/Sam Schmidt Motorsports, and Snowball Express for an additional three INDYCAR races with newcomer Martin Plowman. Before Texas, I’d never met the man. The original schedule included Toronto, Mid-Ohio, and Baltimore. Keeping with the year’s theme, Toronto was removed from the program and replaced by Infineon Raceway in California’s wine country. At each stop along the journey, Kingdom Racing assisted Martin Plowman and Team Plowey in hosting seven amazing Snowball Express families who’d lost their fathers and husbands to the War on Terror since September 11, 2001. We shared, comforted, laughed, and cried with those who made the ultimate sacrifice in service of our country. The experience changed all of us at the very core. We knew at once that we were more than a race team. We are a Christian ministry that just happens to race in INDYCAR. What happened on track paled in comparison to what took place beside it. Those three events resulted in some of the most powerfully emotional times in our lives. The same can be said for everyone touched by Team Plowey this summer. The experience was spiritually cleansing and uplifting. Throughout the process, God stripped away what we thought we were and showed us something greater.

There is a particularly amazing poignancy in Dan Wheldon’s story this year. First, he was kicked out of a ride. Then, he scored an unlikely one-off for the Indianapolis 500 and given little chance for success. On May 29, Dan won his second 500 in the most jaw-dropping fashion at the expense of someone else’s shocking tragedy. At the time, INDYCAR fans were so heartbroken for J.R. Hildebrand, having hit the wall in the final turn on the final lap, but now I suspect even J.R. is glad that Dan won that race. Everyone is. It was simply meant to be. God ordained it.

Following a scintillating and popular Indy victory, Dan stepped into the broadcasting booth and endeared himself to the masses. Rather than just random sound bites, an untold number of fans got to meet Dan on television. God placed him before the public. To many who’d never experienced the thrilling, charming personal side of Dan Wheldon, they got a scrumptious visible serving.

In the end, Dan was placed at the forefront of developing and testing the new 2012 INDYCAR Dallara chassis, the cornerstone for the future of the series. Finally, Dan became the poster boy for INDYCAR by taking up the $5M challenge at Las Vegas. The mission was simple, start last, finish first, and he’d split $5 Million with a lucky fan chosen at random. It’s hard to think about, but Dan would not have even been in the race had it not been for the challenge. For that to happen, a previous attempt at a similar promotion had to fail miserably. And fail it did. So Dan became the focus and INDYCAR was joyous in anticipation of a fun tertiary promotion. Gratefully, Dan got to have one final warm-up race at Kentucky two weeks prior, won by his 2010 teammate, Ed Carpenter. Dan Wheldon finished 14th, having started last.

Dan’s death has had a deep personal effect. I knew Dan. I loved Dan. I miss Dan. I first got to know Daniel Wheldon when he and Ed Carpenter teamed up for the 2010 Indianapolis 500. I was writing a book about Indy and felt God calling me there to that specific team and place to finish the final chapters. He placed me with that specific group of people and we became friends. It was also there that God placed George del Canto and me together, which led to my eventual partnership with Kingdom Racing. Those circumstances were God’s fibers, His brushstrokes. It was after having Dan autograph one of my guitars that month that he thereafter nicknamed me “Rockstar.”

Kingdom Racing had no apparent reason to be in Las Vegas and many of us questioned why we’d even made the trip, especially on the morning of the race. I mentioned to several others that the focus and scope of my writing remained a mystery. There was nothing to write about. We had nothing to announce, nothing to publicize. Originally, we had great hopes for Las Vegas. There were extravagant plans for a local church program, trackside ministry events, and a huge fan prize giveaway. Beyond that, we were also hoping to make a major announcement regarding our future with Davey Hamilton. And, as God spun the loom and moved the brush, each and every one of those events got cancelled for one reason or another. It was incredibly baffling. We were all frustrated, every single one of us, and it showed. We had a plan going into Las Vegas, but none of it was to be.

GENESIS 12:1-3
“The Lord said to Abram: Go out from your land, your relatives, and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, I will bless you, I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, I will curse those who treat you with contempt, and all the peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”

Kingdom Racing is not perfect. There’s not a one of us that won’t readily admit that. We do not have all the answers. All we can do is follow our hearts, listen to God, and be there on days like October 16th to share His love and guidance. Before the race we had no idea why God sent us to Las Vegas. As we left the track and eventually the city of Las Vegas, we knew exactly why God placed us there. He had other plans beside ours. In one respect, it seemed foolish that we’d even tried.

I was taking photos inside turn four when the crash happened. It exploded out of view, but the horrific gasp from the grandstand crowd will haunt me forever. When it became apparent that something was horribly wrong, I bolted for the media center. It became my home for the rest of the afternoon while trickling news was gathered and relayed and solicitations for prayer were sent out via every available avenue. When I wasn’t busy asking others to pray, I did so myself. But I wasn’t alone. God made sure of that.

Martin Plowman was there with his girlfriend, Nicole. They were looking for a place to get away from the crowd and monitor the situation as it grew ever more foreboding. I’d guided them earlier to the PR room where I worked and we sat close but silent throughout the agonizing ordeal. At times, we got up and comforted one another, praying silently for our friends. Had it not been for the strokes God painted in our association with Martin, Nicole, and Team Plowey, those powerful moments might not have happened. What is important is that they did. We were together in harmony with God. There were many other people in the room but we stood and prayed and mutually hated what we were going through.

When it came time for INDYCAR to make the dreadful announcement, all three of us went into the main press room and stood in silence with everyone else. It is only and amazingly by God’s grace that we were all there together. Martin got the phone call confirming the news we already knew was coming and I embraced him as he hastily left the room. I knew what INDYCAR CEO Randy Bernard was going to say before he entered the room and said it. Dan was dead and the race was cancelled. It was heartbreaking, crushing. But in that moment, God offered comfort. We all felt it. He placed me there with them and them with me.

The rest of the day remained rough. Walking out of the track in complete silence, looking up at the scarred, burned, and bruised south turns where the crash developed was terrible. It was a painful visual of tragedy, like staring at a motionless corpse where every effort at revival had failed. Perhaps that was fitting, given the circumstance. The visual was gruesome and repulsive. Some marks mimicked chalk outlines and the grease spots recalled blood-soaked gauze.

Then followed the long and lonesome drive back to the hotel on the Vegas Strip, the solitary, symbolic shower which failed to cleanse the numbness from within my soul, and getting dressed again in fresh clothes, a reminder that life goes on immediately for those of us left behind after crisis.

God dipped His brush upon leaving the hotel room to head downstairs and meet others from Kingdom Racing. The ladies ahead of me in line were distraught and discussing the racing tragedy with the store clerk. I reached out and told them I knew Dan. We all hugged. When Ann Babenco introduced herself to me, I recognized her and felt God shove me directly back into His service. You see, Ann was the “lucky” fan selected to split the challenge prize money with Dan. She and her friend had been hanging out with him all week. Now who but God could have placed Ann Babenco alongside Kingdom Racing at that seemingly random moment? We’ve stayed in touch since, driving home the reason why Kingdom Racing went to Vegas with an empty agenda. It was so we could work for Him. It was so we could help comfort Ann.

That miserable night ended in the company of Martin and Nicole as we spent time at a benefit for the Sam Schmidt Foundation. Ed Carpenter and his family, all of whom have great faith in Christ, stopped by. Together, we tried valiantly to smile by sharing memories of Dan and escape our mutual shock. In every soul that night, the Lord could be seen and felt. They would say the same. It was that apparent.

Death is a great instructor. It causes the living to refocus our lives and see that which is truly important. Racing took a back seat to family and grief and fellowship. From one tragedy to another, we tend to soften that focus. We slowly begin to take things for granted until the next time we are shocked back to the reality of our swift and sudden mortality. Many folks are going to re-evaluate things in their life because of this tragedy. I know I’m going to be different. Life has shocked me one too many times this year. I am going to get back to running, living healthy, and certainly loving my fellow man and family with full compassion.

I’m a natural cynic, but oddly enough, I’d made the decision to stop being so negative about INDYCAR prior to heading into Vegas. The INDYCAR Series endured some embarrassing events this season that resulted in some steep, widespread criticism. I must shamefully admit to unleashing quite a bit of my own, all of which is now certainly regretted. But going into Vegas, I foresaw the need to stop. I love the INDYCAR Series and want to do everything possible to make it thrive. That simply cannot not be done by being negative in any aspect. I am thankful that God inspired me to that decision before Las Vegas because it restored and uplifted my attitude going into what would be an awful weekend. God knew I needed to change. He made it happen. He needed me in the right frame of mind to work for Him.

In the confusing immediacy following the crash and confirmation of Dan’s death, it was a common feeling among many to simply walk away from racing. We all wanted to be anywhere but there. Dan would not have wanted that. In fact, he would have hated it. I talked with another driver who said Dan would have been quite angry that they didn’t even finish the race. With that, and knowing Dan, I concur. No, we must keep going no matter how hard it may seem right now. This is what we love to do. It is what we are called to do. God created Kingdom Racing and placed us in the INDYCAR Series for a reason. Who are we to walk away from something God made and selected us for? Who are we to decide the pain is too tough to endure? Who are we to decide that we can’t handle the assignment or that it’s wrong? We’re not. God chose us for this duty because we are strengthened by and through Him. And for that, we endure, we press on and take whatever life dishes out, thanking God the entire way. That’s the Kingdom Racing way. We kneel and pray and follow His lead. Where we fail is by getting in His way with our own plans. At Vegas, we watched our plans crumble and His arise in magnificent wonder.

The INDYCAR Series is a family. It is spectacular to show up in San Francisco or Baltimore or Las Vegas and see your entire racing family, people you don’t realize you love until you see them again. Having not seen someone for a week or month and to have them run up and give you a big hug by surprise is incredibly heartwarming. That’s exactly what it’s like, week in and week out. And we are definitely a family, which is why we mourn together in such horrible anguish. We lost one of our own. You don’t walk away from family. You have to be taken. Dan was taken. And far too soon.

Many people have referred to what happened in Las Vegas as an “accident.” It was no accident. In God, there are no “accidents.” Everything, right down to the breath you are taking now, the people you met today, and the ways they will touch your heart, are by His design. Make no mistake. It was God’s design that Dan Wheldon would die, bring us all together, and make us realize with gravity what a treasure we have in one another.

God knows all, sees all. It is only when we get to a certain place that we look back and see all the amazing things He did to get us to that point. He gave yours truly the passion and sent me to Indianapolis, straight into the arms of Ed Carpenter, Dan Wheldon, George del Canto, Kingdom Racing, and Martin Plowman. He sent me downstairs at the right moment and into the hotel gift shop to meet Ann Babenco, a fan chosen at “random.” Ha! With God, there is no “random.” We are the ones who inject random in God’s perfect blueprint. Each of us came into INDYCAR and Las Vegas via very different paths that each crossed one another in beautiful suffusing radiance over the past few years. That happened by Divine Command. When Dan died and we all bonded together to grieve, to comfort, and most importantly, to charge onward with the mission God set before us, suddenly God’s beautiful drapery and portrait of His kingdom were as clear and gorgeous as the desert sky into which our friend and brother sailed to be with us forever.

A week after Dan died, another member of the INDYCAR family joined him. Michael Wanser was the six year old son of Chip Ganassi Racing’s Barry Wanser. Nicknamed “Iron Man Mike” by those who loved him, he put up a valiant fight against cancer. One of the sweetest pictures you will ever see is of Dan Wheldon visiting “Iron Man Mike” in the hospital not too long ago. It is beautiful to imagine that when Michael arrived in heaven, Dan was there to meet him. Dan left us because he was needed elsewhere. Perhaps that is one reason why. What an incredible comfort to believe!

It would be ever so easy to succumb to the agonizing misery of Dan’s death and walk away from INDYCAR racing. But God didn’t send us this far, this deep to just up and walk away. If anything, this tragedy has strengthened us. When the 2012 INDYCAR season fires up in March, Kingdom Racing will be a part of it. We’re just getting started, just beginning to scratch the surface. God has great plans for Kingdom Racing in INDYCAR. Heck, what He’s done through us so far has been nothing short of miraculous. Our resilience would have made Dan smile. Knowing Dan though, he probably already is.

ACTS 20:24
“But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God.”

In Christ,
Charles West

This year at Indianapolis, I’d just stepped out of the IMS Trackside credential office and was walking to Gasoline Alley the day before the track officially opened for the Centennial 500.

Dan rounded the corner, looking as dapper as ever. His hair was much longer than the last time I’d seen him. He wore sunglasses and carried a box of brand new racing shoes.

As soon as he saw me, he flashed that charming smile and said, “What’s up, Rock Star?” like he usually did. We shook hands and I congratulated him on securing the one-off ride, telling him how happy I was that he was getting another shot at the 500.

He told me how excited he was and said he felt he had a shot. I wished him good luck, said it was great to see him again and told him if he won, I’d wait around to congratulate him. He asked what I’d been up to and I told him I’d finished my book and was working with Davey. He proclaimed, “That’s awesome, man. Have fun!” We shook hands again and went our separate ways into the onslaught mayhem of May at Indianapolis.

Of particular note is the fact that we were completely alone in the middle of an almost vacant Indianapolis Motor Speedway, a place we both loved and revered. I thought, even then, about how personal and intimate that encounter was. Now, it is more so than ever. He was the first guy I ran into at Indy this year.

He was also the last. After Dan won the 500, I waited for him. I waited for all the photographers to take their shots, all the interviewers to get their quotes, and all the fans to cheer him on. As he rounded yet another corner, fresh from all that pandemonium and on his way to more, we grabbed hands & shared his victory with a shoulder slap before somebody else snagged him away.

I saw my friend many times since, but that memory stands out for it’s particular intimacy. It was just me and Dan and Indy.

And within me, that scene shall live forever.

In Christ,
Rock Star

However, my addiciton has been replaced by sunflower seeds, a complete inability to focus, total lack of exercise, and rage.

Oh well. You can’t win them all. Hopefully, I can get back to writing soon, but I sincerely doubt it.

In Christ,
Chas

It has destroyed who I am and who I aspire to be.

I am a writer who cannot even sit down to write because I cannot focus on any one thing for longer than a few seconds.

I have departed the world of civility and returned to the animalistic.

So my question is, am I really better off, having quit tobacco? I’d say no. This particular hell is absolutely unbearable. I feel as if my soul has been ripped free from my body and I’ve become a non-thinking robot. But the voices of every human being who’s screamed at me and declared I was being evil have been silenced and satisfied. I guess that counts for something.

Oh joy.

In Christ,
Chas

I have stopped using tobacco. I no longer have the desires or cravings for nicotine. So there you have it. It can be done, and it can be done without nicotine replacement therapy crutches like gums and patches and crap like that. I am free from the prison of tobacco addiction. Now, the goal is to stay there.

All it takes is a strong mind and the willingness to ask God for help.

However, I will warn you. You will not be the same person once you are done, no more than Hiroshima was the same city after the Atomic Bomb exploded. It took time for the city to revitalize. It is going to take time with me as well.

In Christ,
Chas

I made it through a full day without any tobacco. In a related note, I also made it through a full day without murdering anyone, and that included roaming around DC this afternoon.

Tomorrow, we go for day 2. Pretty sure that GP of Baltimore practice will keep me busy. I know it’s just one day, but it’s a BIG step.

In Christ,
–CW

Just so you know, I am still battling this demon called tobacco addiction, but am clearly winning, though I feel without a doubt that it is destroying my spirit from within. It has changed me, and certainly not for the better. Perhaps once I am finally free that will change, but there is only one way to find out.

I can guarantee you this, when I come back from Baltimore next week, I will be free of this prison. Those of you praying for me, please keep it up. I need all the help I can get.

I also appreciate all of the well wishes and concerns for how I am doing. The fact that many of you actually came up to me at the racetrack in California and asked how I was doing, having not seen most of you since June in Texas, meant the world to me. It really did.

I am so thankful to all of my family and friends in the INDYCAR Series and I cannot wait to reunite with you again tomorrow.

Now I gotta go home and pack!

Thanks and God bless!
Chas

I’m getting tired of this, but I know I’m doing well and getting ever closer to reaching the summit of a mountain I have so longed to climb.

For some reason, too, I am feeling anxious about my trip this weekend to California. If nothing else, I will defeat this demon before returning to Texas.

Why?

Because I am not going to take any tobacco along. Quitting will be forced and I shall spend this weekend without my crutch.

Wish me luck. I know I can do it. This will be the last update I can guarantee before returning to Texas on Monday night.

In Christ,
Chas

I am going to try again tonight.

Other than that, I am doing well. My attitude has improved and the need for tobacco’s companionship has left my body.

Will let you know tomorrow!

In Christ,
Chas